please Oprah, don't hate me

For months Justin has been harassing me to start a blog. I wanted none of it. A couple close friends keep cyberspace surfers and a few other dedicated readers up-to-date on the events of their lives via the medium, which is how I came to learn what a blog actually was. I enjoy reading these on-line diaries, but it didn't (doesn't) seem like something that would be (is) for me, since a) I am not a techie, and the computer skill required to maintain a decent site made (makes) me hesitant, and b) I no write good. Most of all, though, I poo pooed the idea because I thought I had no time, and being a dedicated reader of my friends' blogs, I know a good blog needs a dedicated writer.

Fast forward five months and one baby, and the excuses not to do a blog don't seem as compelling anymore.

Maternity leave has made me addicted to my friends' blogs more so than before. My days are no longer spent surfing the net at work mostly for the latest UN reports on the various crises in Africa. I can now access whatever subject my little heart desires without fear that I will be sternly warned that my workplace does not approve of the particular site I am seeking, and that if I persist in my on-line search, I may be canned.

Keeping people up-to-date on the latest poop and pee of my sweet angel has also made me reconsider the blog. After pressing the send button on the latest email to all twenty-six of my closest friends - even the ones I haven't seen for more than three years - with the most recent pictures of my little darling it festers at the back of my mind: "Does this person really want to be on the receiving end of a new mom's brag that her kid is the cutest baby ever? Am I going to start making people sick? Am I going to become one of those moms?" (The answers to these questions: No, I am not delusional. My kid is the cutest baby ever. And, every day, I get less and less concerned if I make people sick. That's their problem, not mine. And finally, yes, I am going to be one of those moms, whether I like it or not, so I might as well not fight it.) The blog solves all these problems, because if people don't want the late breaking news on the poop and pee status of my sweet angel, they can download an iTune instead. Problem solved.

My single biggest reason for jumping on the blog bandwagon, however, is that it's no longer true that I don't have the available time anymore (although as any new mom will know, that truism is a paradox that shall be the subject of another blog at another time). Babies eat when they want to eat, poop when they want to poop (a lot of poop references, hey?...I just noticed how much an 8 pound 6 ounce baby's bowel movements weigh on my mind), and sleep when they want to sleep. My baby, though, loves to commence his nap at 4:00 pm EST sharp. Since there's not much I can do when this happens (any time I venture too far away from him to do laundry, to have a shower or to put away clean dishes, the bomb explodes, and baby wakes up really pissed), I am invariably forced to check out the day's story line on Oprah. Which means I must also pay my dues to Dr. Phil. Which means that soon it is two to three hours later and I have a really sore butt from sitting on the couch all afternoon with nothing to show for it.

Don't get me wrong - I love Oprah. And Dr. Phil. I would accept a free flight to appear on either of their shows if they ever contacted me to discuss my life (i.e. the latest poop and pee of my sweet angel). But I also need something else to do with my time. And so here we are.