I Love Regina!

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, about 3,300 kms or so…

Ah, screw it. I was going to use this space to write some kind of clever and romantic tale about how Adoring and Wonderful Husband and I are going to take the Babe on his first pilgrimage back to the Great Rectangular Province on holidays in August to hang out at some bonehead’s* cabin* to drink Pilsner* and eat Old Dutch* potato chips while wearing bunny hugs* and gotch*, but I just don’t know how to work these things into any kind of coherent plot, except this one. So will someone from the Queen City please just be at the airport on Saturday August 5th at 10:45 am to pick us up? Thanks. Can’t wait to see you!

Legend:

*, *, *, * and * denote things that I have learned during my time in Ontario are apparently unique to Saskatchewan (or the West writ large). I have included a translation below so that those of you who aren’t conversant in prairie-speak can understand what I’m referring to above.

bonehead (n).
i. Person of lesser intelligence.
ii. What people from the West and the Maritimes call people from Central Canada.

cabin (n).
i. Shit house by some source of water.
ii. Equivalent to what hoity-toity Ontarians call shit houses by some source of water “cottages.”

Pilsner (n).
i. Beer of the gods.
ii. The brand of beer you purchase if you go to a party and don’t want people to steal it.
iii. Piss in a bottle.

Old Dutch (n).
i. The brand of chips my Gido used to have a secret stash of in his bedroom.
ii. Mmm…chips.

bunny hugs (n).
i. Sweaters with a hood; known everywhere but Saskatchewan as “hoodies.”
ii. Embraces that rabbits give you. Yes, even our wildlife is smarter out West.

gotch (n).
i. One’s “unmentionables.”
ii. A white piece of cloth between a man’s bum and his pants that prevents his wife from having to clean skid marks from out of his jeans. Notice I didn’t mention Adoring and Wonderful Husband once in that last sentence. So in no way am I referring to him at all.