the MTV intern generation

The people in my age cohort get saddled with a lot of labels, though most of them are never quite accurate. Mid-20-somethings who are not really old enough to be confidently referred to as belonging to Generation X, we used to get paid to wipe the asses of Generation Y. And not the minimum wage that seems to be the standard nowadays. No. We cleaned the snotty noses of those self-indulgent iGenerationals for, like, $4.00 an hour MAX. And that was for TWO of them. So where does that leave us? Without someone to write a book about how we’re affecting the marketplace, that’s where.

Still, certain tendencies of those of us between 25 and 30 are easily observable, primarily in the workplace. This is especially so since the Boomers started driving up the prices of prime recreational property (the bastards), saying goodbye! to donut-laden 8:30 am meetings and hello! to pensions, health care and the liberation that comes with being able to drive with your signal light on ALL THE FREAKING TIME, NON-STOP, EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF TURNING LEFT FOR, LIKE, 50 KMS. (Hey K, THIS MOTHER#@$&ING CAP USE IS FOR YOU!!!) The result of all these retirement parties and gold watches is that my people have been swarming an office near you in numbers never seen before. And we expect things. Demand things. We are not happy just to sit on our thumbs and watch our company-matched retirement savings grow. We want to sit on our thumbs and watch our company-matched retirement savings grow AND have our university night classes paid for by our employer. AND have bi-monthly social events scheduled for us. AND have a Blackberry. AND get promoted after only six months on the job. AND come in at 9:30 and leave at 4:15, with an hour for lunch. AND what do you mean Employer X won’t pay me my full salary for a year after I have a baby? Doesn’t Employer X realize my brilliance, and want to encourage me to unleash my progeny unto the world before returning to work where I will require every second Friday off? AND…well, you get my point.

The thing is, I think we’re completely justified in asking for these things. Because it’s all about living in a civilized society, isn’t it? And even more importantly, it’s all the fault of the Boomers to begin with. They’re the bourgeois who put us in all these short-term, internship-type jobs to begin with, and now that they need us to fill the grown-up positions wonder why we have no sense of loyalty and are completely schizophrenic when it comes to our career paths. So the next time I read some pre-retiree in the Wednesday Careers section of the Globe and Mail complain that my generation demands too much in the workplace, I’m going to just put that paper down and go back to enjoying my maternity leave by watching Oprah, and then maybe Dr. Phil. Because once in a while you’ve got to rage against the machine, you know?