good-bye Ciggy Sue, hello lung!

Today marks two years since I stopped cheating on Adoring and Wonderful Husband. It wasn’t easy. As much as I love my husband, I also had quite the crush on my little fling. But what I first thought was a seemingly innocent romance soon began to take over my life.

I had to hide whenever we were together. After our lunchtime encounters, I chewed Peppermint Excel gum so that no one would detect the smell of illicitness on me. At night, I shampooed twice so that Adoring and Wonderful Husband could cuddle up to me in bed without getting a whiff of my lover’s scent. I hid the receipts that provided evidence of our encounters together; knowing how much our rendezvous were costing me was simply too much to bear. Worst of all, my crush started to threaten transmitting some disgusting diseases to me. And that’s the straw that broke the Camel’s back (pun intended). I knew if I wanted to stay true to my vows to Adoring and Wonderful Husband to live a long and happy life together I would have to break it off with the Marlboro Man, and that Adoring and Wonderful Husband would have to give his little hussy – Ciggy Sue – the boot as well.

So we both resolved never to cheat on each other again. And while my addictive personality sometimes harkens back to the love I once shared with old Leather Lung, the $10,920 I estimate that Adoring and Wonderful Husband and I have saved since saying sianara to our nasty little habits has made the crushing monogamy oh so worth it.