lost in translation

During the 1995 referendum, We Westerners were pretty unequivocal: Let 'em go, We said. Don't matter to us, We claimed. And, truth be told, it wouldn't really matter to the West were Quebec to separate. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I want them to (as though I am the voice of the West or something - though I guess at least for this post I am.) I'm just saying, aside from a few bumps and bruises, life would most certainly go on. It would probably be good for Quebec's tourism industry, actually; somehow, it would become more exotic.

To my consternation, I am not even close to being bilingual. And why should I be? I come from a family of farmers. I should know Ukrainian if anything, and I don't even know that. I can barely speak and write English, for mercy's sake. French? I remember one friend in university ask me why I took Spanish instead of French: French? I looked at him quizzically, (and somewhat disgustedly, I must admit). French? The only reason I would have to learn French is if I moved to Ottawa someday, and that will only happen if Hell freezes over. At least with Spanish I have an excuse to drink tequila in Mexico.

News flash: Hell has frozen over. But that tequila was so, so awesome, wasn't it girls?

I have A File that's blown up at work over the last week or so, A File that involves Quebec. As such, I've spent a good part of this last week on Alta Vista Babel fish, trying to figure things out. As an average Canadian citizen, does this scare you? Because it scares me. And it makes me feel like an a-hole, every single time I have to ask one of my bilingual buddies, Umm, what does this mean? (It means Yes, Winter, they tell me. Oui. Means. Yes.)

But as dumb as I feel when it comes to French, Bureaucrat-ese is even more ridiculous. Today, in a three hour meeting, I discovered a new language. I expect anthropology PhD candidates everywhere to line up to get behind this new line of study (because I would guess that the federal government would only be TOO HAPPY to use its spending power to dole out grants to become an international leader on the subject). Can anyone, ANYONE, please tell me what this means?

If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it's a trilateral, not a bilateral.

OH REALLY. I SEE. SORRY I GOT CONFUSED ON THAT ONE.